ok.. so everything was good here on the home-front.. or so i like to pretend (smile) /believe most of the time.. and in all honesty, everything IS good. However, as i was so lovingly reminded this past week, that this sunday holds a date that the ‘rest of the nation’ needs to remind them people do not know how to drive!! and this is in fact April lol..
Honestly, i have 364 OTHER days of the year to remind me……. that my husband is gone…. and the face.. of an adorable angel that stares back at me every day! .. and as only HE can do.. “mommy, please don’t ever leave me?!” .. what?? “i don’t want you to die” … ….. yeah… this is what ‘i’ get on a daily basis.. i don’t need sunday to tell me that Tim is gone.. an empty house and Gavin, do that just fine, thank you very much…
Trying to explain this to people that NEED that day?? or NEED to imortalize a place that my husband was killed?????? ummmm not worth it.. and they are still not in a place to ‘truly’ understand. It is and always will be about them and their pain… it is ok.. ……. one day maybe they will realize that it is not about them, it is about a little boy who has lost a father and is deathly afraid of now losing his mother..
my son has never been ‘a child’ … he is a little boy with an adult trapped in there just waiting to be released. But, he is a child.. and a child’s mind is just not something to play with! … and my poor son has been dealt a cruel hand.. my heart aches for his little mind and the things that are obviously going on up there if he is concerned about me ‘leaving’ him!! … uugghh my eyes hurt!! rough night/ morning.
i don’t know… i am having a hard time at the moment.. i am sure that i will be bubbly later today or tomorrow.. nothing a good night sleep or a work-out can’t cure! hehe
this is our life….. welcome to it
