Bubbles

Just sitting here listening to music.. watching my son read a book and completely enjoying my life! (smile) 

I had just gotten back from our visit to Vta and was completely exhausted, overwhelmed and just plain tired.. sitting on the couch, staring at the pile of stuff to put away and laundry to start.. all of which needs to be done on all 3 separate floors of our house!! uugghh .. Gav looks at me and his little eyes are all red and he can not stop sneezing ;(  .. yes, i actually left things overnight for once!  hehe  anyway, the next day of this nightmare staring at me and you KNOW that i am going crazy.. stuff sitting on the stairs, so that each time we go up or down, a load can go with us.. finally Gavin looks at me and says “mom, you are such a hard worker, i am going to help you with this stuff”  lol  ummm, ok.. so, i let him take piles of stuff that i KNOW that i will be putting away as soon as i get up the stairs!! but hey, at least i am getting help making it UP those things, right? Anyway… one of those piles had contained my shoes.. knowing that i would find them just tossed in a corner in my closet.. however, when i went into my closet this morning to put away yet ANOTHER pile of clothes i was randomly thinking, ok, i might as well do my shoes while i am in here.. umm where are they?? half way remembering which ones i brought with me… i see them ever so perfectly placed BACK where they belong and even with the correct feet .. haha and my boots were even folded over just like the other pairs in the closet..  he totally stayed in there, looked around, and figured out where they all belonged!! and then made sure that they looked nice!!!!!!!  … so, yes, i did shed a little tear  hehe  and yes, i have totally tweaked my son that he will notice these things.. 

However in true ‘love language’, my son’s future wife is gonna friggin LOVE me!!  hahaha  because my son will have learned almost all 5 of those suckers before long and he will have mastered them all!!!!!  So far he has ‘words of affirmation’ and ‘acts of service’ down pat!  ’quality time’ is up there pretty good too  hehe  oh, and he is an avid gift giver… i am trying to keep that ‘physical touch’ one at bay for now!!  hahahaha 

I am reading ‘bringing up boys’ by James Dobson.. he makes me laugh actually about some of the stuff in there.. i will let you know if there is anything that Gavin has not already taught me that Dr Dobson might shed or not shed light on.. at the moment Gavin thinks that he is a little off his rocker. He likes supernanny better  ;)

love and hugs to all 

I got a txt today from a friend asking me if my computer was broken? haha  The funny thing is, she is the second person this week asking me what was going on in this regard. … I have been trying to think thru why i stopped all together and how to put it in the right words etc.. but what it comes down to really, is that i felt myself becoming negative while i was writing.. Like the only thing that could come out, was ‘venting’… and i don’t want to be like that and i don’t want to write like that… so, i just stopped. Yes, i have been going thru some hard stuff these last few months… and it might have helped to have my usual outlet to let off some of that… but for those of you that know know me best.. know that i don’t totally say everything anyway!  haha  So,  i just needed this time to regroup and hopefully get my positive ‘miki-ness’ back in order. (smile)  I have had help in that area, Gavin!  Him and his words, i swear. The other night, he comes out of the bathroom.. “i just had an epiphany!” … first of all, who uses that word??? let alone a 6yr old!! so, what was his ‘epiphany’?  ”i bet if we left right now! we could still get to the ice cream place before it closes”.. haha  and tonight i was going out to dinner with Mia… Gav and i were at Target running errands first.. and he is like, “so mom, what are you gonna wear tonight?”.. haha  umm well, son  haha  and i kinda go through what i THOUGHT i was going to be wearing.. “umm i don’t think so mom, you should probably wear something a little nicer”  haha  Seriously, this is my 6yr old SON..  ”don’t worry mom, when we get home, we will go into your closet.. it is a good thing that you have me for advice.”  hahahahaha  i almost crapped!  … so, after we got home, and he took his shower and i dressed MYSELF, thank you very much.. He came in and when i asked if my outfit met his approval.. i swear, he gave me the up and down look-over and “uuhhh yeah, you look very nice.. now lets go in the closet and see what shoes you should wear”  (smile)  It really is a good thing that he knows what he is talking about, because some kids would send their moms out with rainbow shirts and snoopy rainboots or something.. so, as sassy as he is.. at least my boy has style!  hahaha

a little stressed still these days, even WITH my friends to mellow me out (smile).. this wordpress will not let me make paragraphs any more for some reason. So bear with me, i have a few random things going on today. 1) I was watching the news while i was working out, and blaring my ipod of course (smile). Trust me when i say that it was still disturbing just watching the images and reading lips. … one of the things was watching this man on trial for apparently killing his wife or girlfriend or whatever. It does not matter and i don’t care to be corrected either, the point is, that there is a CHILD left without a mother and now the ‘father’?? maybe, who knows, he looked like it anyway.. sorry, i had gwen blaring and the images were disturbing me and i promise that i will get to my REAL point in a second.. ANYWAY, this child… is left there.. my mind started wandering to Gavin and then to ‘Amanda’ (the girl who hit Tim).. and ‘his evilness’ started putting thoughts into my head. Like, how i should have made her PAY for what she did to us.. or if she only KNEW how much pain it causes us today.. or the struggles.. just that Gavin has to live without his daddy, or that he cries for him.. just thought after thought ran rampant… I mean REALLY! Can you see me in a court room?? Accusing this poor woman! ummm NO! I think that she has enough to deal with just knowing that she took some-ones LIFE!! well, at least ‘I’ would still be having nightmares about that day, if i were her… and 2) i was talking to Gavin in the car today, several hours later that is.. because YES, i was stressing about a few things. … and as only my son can.. “mom, i thought that you were done stressing?? Didn’t you just stress the other morning??” (smile)  ha ‘why yes honey, i did.. but mommy is just a little stressed still but i will be fine in a minute. It is just hard making the decisions all by myself all the time’ … “but mom! I am a good helper!? You talk to me when you have decisions to make and i am GREAT at helping you.” .. ‘yes angel, but some things are a little different. They are the things that mommy and daddy decided together and now mommy has to do them all alone….’ .. “HEY MOM!! don’t forget to turn right there!! that is where the ice cream place is!!” .. ‘ exactly my point, you are not even listening right now! so how can you help me decide on BIG stuff when the only thing that you can concentrate on, is the ICE CREAM store!’  …. (smile)…. yes, this was an exciting day.. haha  i thought that we might be getting some where?? and then that 6YR OLD thing came slamming back into view.. HA!  

God has given me a peace about where i am right now. Parts of where i am, or the parts of life that i am dealing with.. are not ‘ideal’.. but God has given me a strange peace about having all of it in my life…. He has also given me people to which i can freak out with, that can handle me and calm me down until He can resume that peace. Either thru them or on His own timing… …. the hardest part that keeps coming up is the ‘permanence’ of ALL things. I do feel like i am ok and ready to move on to someone new, if they were to come along.. and at the same time.. why will Tim not walk thru the door? It is a weird dynamic that can not be explained to someone that has not gone thru it… i can try, but unless you feel the pain of that loss day in and day out for years on end. Please don’t talk to me about it, because you have your husband… he is lying next to you……. Sooo, hold on to him tight and tell him that you love him every chance that you get… … i was lucky, because we told each other… that is what i hang on to.  …. and that does not make me sad!  I was blessed with a wonderful man!! (smile) I got to have him in my life for almost 13 years.. 11 of which, were ALL MINE  hahaha.. not exactly, as you could tell from the memorial, but you get my point.  ………. ……….. answer me this, how do you get past the first date??  hahahaha  Does that answer anyones questions about the new guy? hahaha  and NO, i will not be going back on-line. Once is enough for me. … all my love.

I almost forgot!!! My SON….  (SMILE) has kept his night-time chonies dry for 6 nights in a row!!! AND since he is 6yrs old! This means that he gets to go to Toy Town, hahaha, to get a special treat!!  haha This was yesterday by the way… so, we go to this toy store where he has already decided ahead of time what he wants to get of course.. I did not even know when he had ever BEEN in that store!!  Anyway, we go in.. he goes straight over to one of those plastic bins and picks out this squishy, coral looking dragon! 5 bucks!!! ummmm OK!! not a problem for me… hahaha  i sooooo totally got off easy.. (smile)  yeah!!  no new nintendo game, no humungous racetrack, or pirate lego thing??  nope! $5 squishy dragon.. That’s my boy!!  hahahhaha Now, let’s see if they are dry when he wakes up today??  haha 

Just going to church yesterday was really good for me… God and i have a lot to talk about and i truly DO trust that He is going to take care of things.. and i really am grateful for everything that i do have. Trust me, that i know how lucky i am to have the people around me and my SON… where i live, my house, all my limbs (because health in my case is relative) … i AM blessed in soooo many ways.. i know this… and i trust in this.  It is like Tim however, it is the permanence of life that is eating away at me… Being both mother and father, man and woman, for every situation … for child, home, friend, financial and otherwise .. it is not meant to be that way!! Yes… i deleted….. I still can’t believe that i let “shizer” stay there… I have been talking with Mia.. she is helping me thru this season of ???? well, whatever it is.. We worked out together this morning and God has answered a prayer for me already before 7am.. so, with joyful tears of ‘Thank You for showing me that You are listening’ … i send you all my love..

Yes, ’shizer’ is a Miki word.. My time in Amsterdam was amazing!! I was on a complete HIGH!! Yes, satan saw this.. and now is dancing all over me and then some!!!! I don’t know what to say about DJ? I don’t think that he is the one for me. I had this epiphany at church last sunday… and i haven’t been able to speak to HIM about that yet because the rest of this week has been spent in bed or on the couch nursing my ever popular head!! I have had crazy freak-outs because.. i do not know why my husband can not just come HOME for goodness sakes!! I have to have learned whatever stupid lesson that was supposed to have been learned, right??!! Somebody, for the love of God… just say yes!! … So, could Tim.. JUST walk thru the door.. PLEASE!!  … and YES… tears have been flowing all friggin week ok! … and THEN, that stupid stupid patio at my house.. you know the one.. that is 1000 degrees in the summer and negative 100 degrees in the winter and floods every time it rains?? yep, that one!! well, true to form.. it is raining and flooding out the tennants.. and when it rains.. it molds.. oh yeah, it does.. therefore, the mold EATS away at the RETARED aluminum NON-insulated room and sooner or later you can see straight into the back yard that the brain-bull that designed the cement slab to drain straight down into the dumb thing!! SOOOO.. now.. i get to see how much it is going to cost to either tear the thing down all together and just put grass there.. which means adding a whole new back half of my house, by the way!! and then fixing the back yard.. OR.. tearing it out creating a new foundation (sooo cheap) re-building AND re- leveling the backyard.. hmmmmmmm i wonder which one is cheaper???  hmmmm  let’s see.. where is Tim again?? oh yeah… and i work where?? oh yeah.. and i have already been crying all week anyway.. soo.. why should today matter..ohhh.. sooo funny.. so, i get this thing from the IRS.. about not paying my taxes or something… are you kidding me?????????? Do they even know ?…….  TEARS!!  big giant tears!!  i do not even know how to explain!!  does anyone have a whole that i can climb into??  … i can’t even put my funny smiley face.. cause it’s not that funny today..Who wants to go dancing?? i need to dance!!!   haha  I need to shake something.. (smile) 

Just a date…………

jk… hahhahaha  You guys love me and you know it!! (smile)  Well, he got off of work late, so he just called and talked to me the whole way here instead.. soo cute.  Some of you know that i live in a 3 story condo.. well, it has a balcony that looks out on to the street.. Anyway, as i am giving him directions on how to get here and talking him thru it.. he comes around the corner and there i am.. his Juliette (smile)  I KNOW!!  i am cute.. lol   I ran down the stairs and NOOOO  i did not wait for him to open the door.. i jumped into his arms and we hugged for about 5 minutes.. “you ARE real”  i do not remember who said that one.. But HE said that i was MUCH cuter in person than in my pictures (SMILE) LOL  I gave him a quick tour of the house and we were off to dinner, just up the street.. he was really tired from driving.

We order our food, stare at each other, hold each others hands, talk a LOT and then DAN comes in… (smile)  “hi guys”  totally not intimidating by the way.. LOL  So, he joins us for a bit.. asks DJ some qeustions, DJ asks about me?? and then he ever so gracefully takes off about 45 minutes later LOL  I LOVE Dan!!  After dinner we just hung out and talked for awhile and then he had to drive back because he still has to work today!!

I KNOW, you want to know if we made it thru the no kising rule… I’m N-O-T  T-E-l-l-i-n-g!!!   hahahahahahaha

You are gonna have to try and pry it out of La-donna!! and she does NOT crack easily..  hahahaha  hahaha

LOVE YA.. LOL

Ok.. so after talking to ‘the new guy’ for almost 2 n 1/2 months… We are going out tonight for the first time.. yikes!? and yeah! all at the same time.. hehehe Over Christmas, he was gone with his family and we did not talk for 2 weeks!! I KNOW!! haha Now, just because HE didn’t talk, we all know that that does not mean that ‘I’ did not still email him.. hehe I totally tried not too, but it was completely impossible! My mind does not rest like that. PLUS, he thought that it was cute..

Anyway, since we are both back.. we have talked every night for at least 2 hours and NOT seeing each other is just too much to ask any more!! SOOO, after work tonight he is coming up here and taking me out to dinner (smile) and i guess we will see if we can stick to that ‘no kissing on the first date’ rule. .. and at the same time, i hope that i don’t just tear up at the sight of him because i finally get to see this man that has completely captured my heart!!

Dan n Mia are absolutely hillarious with this as well… she has read every one of his emails and of course i tell her EVERYTHING that we say to each other.. Dan is like big daddy with a shot gun that sooo totally needs no gun!! all rapped up in this teddy bear packaging.. … I was over there the other night and Dan just looked at me and said “if this guy sees you tonight? It is all over for him.. because you are just glowing..” Mia said that he was sooo excited to see that in me that it almost made HIM glow!! hehe .. and even funnier was telling DJ, (my man) about that statement.. “soo, is he trying to pick up on you??” hahahahahahahaha I was like, do you hear nothing??? That is my best friends HUSBAND!! and one of MY husbands closest and dearest friends.. ummmm NO, he is NOT picking up. hahaha

He is still not grasping that i am not a walking ‘pick up’ machine.. and uuuhhhh if that were the case?? why would i have to be on that stupid website in the first place!?? sooo funny!

ok… soooo… i live too far away.. but now would be a good time for all my girls to be coming over and having tea, giggling, helping with Gavin, hiding upstairs to see what he looks like.. you know? all the good stuff!! Why did i move?? ooohhh yeah.. i remember.. all the other crappy stuff.. hahaha

ok, so part 2 of this will TOTALLY go play by play of how amazing he looked and how romantic he was.. all the mushy stuff.. I PROMISE!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

The things that i do on facebook.. i seriously just took the ’sexy’ quiz!! This is me: Seductive Sexy You’ve got all the right moves without going over the top. Intimacy is a fun and enjoyable experience for you, so you don’t need to force it, and you don’t worry about expressing yourself too openly. You are confident about yourself and your sexuality and there is nothing sexier than a girl who is comfortable with who she is.

I am sooooo glad that someone told me that!! Wow, what would i have done without that information in life!! LOL

and yet.. now i must blog about it.. what does that say?? It says my time change SUCKS!!!! and i can NOT SLEEP!!! hahahahahahahaha