“be careful what you pray/wish for” has new meaning for me lately.. I guess it has ever since i have moved down here really. God has shown me, or i have opened my eyes to see what God has been doing all along in my life i suppose… He has been ANSWERING PRAYERS.. small insignificant ones that for most people would go unnoticed, but for someone who has been longing to ‘feel’ God’s presence for sooo long.. well, it has simply taken my breath away!
… and now, it seems that He may have answered a ‘big’ one… to even mention it, feels like it could make it vanish into thin air.. if you catch my drift… i have been lying here for the last several hours, tossing and turning and if i do NOT write this out (vent, if you will) i will NEVER get any sleep!!
God has placed a man in my life.. that i adore!!!! … and yes, my eyes are watering right now at the mere thought of writing all of this down! … Does he fit EVERY aspect of that last blog?? I would say ummmmm 99% of it… but he has things that i did not put on there… like, he makes me feel secure in ‘us’. That may sound random.. but that is a big one for me. He makes me feel more beautiful than i have ever felt in my entire life…. from the INSIDE.. out. He cares about ‘me’ and the fact that i AM a good mom… he wouldn’t be with me if Gavin was a nightmare (smile) He has a ‘desire’ to be a better man!! and to go to church for himself and THEN for me! Because he knows that i will not be with someone that does not go to church, or put God first.. He is reading the ‘Five Love Languages’ because i had been reading it and it intrigued him… (smile)
I totally ADORE this man!! He just left for a month ;( He is a welder! ok.. so picture this MAN (like a Dave Lippert that welds.. you know? like a guys guy) pulling up in his big ol’ Ford truck, sharing a room with like 4 OTHER big welder guys.. talking guns and welding and whatever else they talk about.. and my adorable, sweet, mmmm sexy as the day is long, man (smile) walking in with his Bible and The Five Love Languages!!!!!! This is a visual that i can not get out of my head lol
And YES, i know that he is actually reading that book because i do not ask him EVER, by the way, when he has read or what chapter he is on etc etc.. he just randomly says “oh, i was reading last night.. and i get how i was wrong by saying that to you today, just like in the book where etc etc..” and “i’m sorry, i see that in myself and i am working that” … ummmm How HOT is that????!!! Ladies, buy this book!!!! lol lol
Here is my ‘mirror’.. lol
God’s timing.. don’t we just love it! Ok.. here it goes ladies.. this man of mine can not really BE mine.. I told you before that he used to go riding with Tim.. well, Tim was supposed to be Best Man at Johnny’s wedding 3yrs ago… …. i will let that sink in for a minute.. ….. done??? ok… yes, Johnny is in the process of getting divorced at this moment.. they have been separated since October and signed the papers in Jan or the beginning of Feb. something like that. ……. Do ‘i’ even consider dating ANYONE that ??? … girls have that same thing that guys have.. bro’s before h.. yeah you get the picture! and ‘i’ do not DO divorce!! these are 2 VERY large obstacles that TRUST ME were cried over and talked over and counseled etc… … i have not seen either one of them in 3 years!! and before that.. Johnny hung out with Tim and Renae was not around.. or i was sick … not JUSTIFYING!! Just making a statement.. because i like her.. she does NOT like me at the moment..
When i went dirt bike riding 2 months ago?… and Johnny showed up.. it was no big deal. His truck pulled up and i was sooo excited to see him because it had been 3 years since i had seen him last! I would be that excited to see??? like Navy Dave when he gets back.. but as the weekend progressed… he was no longer Johnny and Renae.. he was just Johnny…. …. what am i supposed to do with that???? i kept my mouth shut and was going to do NOTHING! we were SUPPOSED to be praying for them to get back together… and then when we left that Saturday night, i followed Johnny out.. he went north and i went south.. “call me when you get home so that i know you got there ok”.. no big deal.. “ok” i didn’t even make it home before HE called ME and apparently he was tormented the whole weekend as well!! We are NOT supposed to be thinking of each other that way (smile) 2 1/2 hrs later and still talking … it is pretty much history after that.. I talked to Dan n Mia and my Tia Ladonna.. He called Dan and a few of the dirt bike guys.. we got council and were told pretty much the same thing… BACK off and wait until the divorce is final…
ummmmmmm, i tried… but when you have been told how ‘amazing and wonderful’ you are… you are this, you are that, blah blah blah… BUT you don’t live in Ireland, or BUT i can’t deal with you being a mom or just BUT!!! if i hear that ONE more time.. i might actually KILL the messenger.. lol It is NOT my fault that these people are not ready.. I am!! I have BEEN patient.. I have been faithful, i have not slept with every loser at the bars just to not feel lonely!! I have NOT gone off the deep end and left the church because i felt like God left me or something ridiculous like that!! Yes, i have fumbled along the way and made some mistakes that i am not proud of… i am GLAD that i was ‘caught’ if you will.. because it kept me from making more mistakes… but it is not my nature to be that DUMB!
But God most definately put us in front of each other at that time for a reason… and neither one of us have been this happy in a looonng time. … He walked out of his room tonight (in Wyoming) after he had gotten into bed because he almost forgot to call ‘his girl to say good-night’… i am falling HARD for this man.. I love the feeling, but why give it to me now?? When it is not for me to have… or is that why God gave him his job that takes him away for a month here and a month there.. to help us.. because we are both falling for each other and he is not free to ‘fall’…
So, i guess my prayer request??? i don’t know.. never been in this position before.. i have never been this open on HERE before… but this is my reality.. this is what i need from my friends..